The fragrance of chocolate
and pumpkin pie rising
somewhere within the sunset,
like new white socks
covering chilly feet resting
on my purple sofa -
these are dreams
these are reality
these are thoughts that fly
from an opened umbrella in my brain
where once they gathered dust
that now sparkles with sweet sounds.
I have met these dreams
in the daylight. I know they are real
because they breathe.
I have held the chocolate on
my tongue and tried to imagine
the world without its benefits,
uninspired, unbelievable, unlived
like an ordinary sunset void
of the spicy scent of pumpkin pie.
Feb 23, 2023
Awakened
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dear L
This is that melting chocolate on your tongue the smell of pumpkin in the sunset, I see a orange glowing orb slowing receding into earth, I got all that from your wonder filled poem, it may like seem to you just commen things in your world but you've made them magical, but these lines these are just sigh,
these are thoughts that fly
from an opened umbrella in my brain
I love those two lines for me they are the anchor of this poem, I can't see anything I'd change or edit,
Brilliant job! Brava
love J xox
Hi, J!
I have an antique purple sofa that is quirky and makes me smile. I knew eventually it would find itself in a poem. Add new white socks in contrast, and the poem was born. In place of the proverbial light bulb, the idea felt like an umbrella springing open. I'm so glad you read and shared your thoughts.
Much love,
L
dear Lavender,
this poem hits me like a cornucopia of nourishment . such beauty and grace. now you have got to tell me which chocolate you prefer: Milk, Dark or White? lol!
I really liked your intro lines:
The fragrance of chocolate
and pumpkin pie rising
somewhere within the sunset,
*warmest of hugs, Cat
Hello, Cat!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It was a bit of fun to write! Being vegan, I eat dark chocolate - 88% cacao. :) Bittersweet and bold!
Lxx
Free Verse OK
but for dimwits like me
to follow
can you space the poem
into paras few
Thank you
Hello, Lovedly,
This is such a hodge-podge of thought, I'm not certain it reads well broken up, but I will give your generous suggestion some thought.
Thank you for always helping me!
L
did you not mean
hotchpotch
asks Google
Hi, Lovedly,
I believe either way :)
Lav
I reeaally loved this one, it
I reeaally loved this one, it made me smile too, thank you.
Obi.
Hello, Obi,
"Obi-fied" comments always seem to make me happy!
Thank you for reading!
L
Awakened
You haven't even scratched the surface and already I want more.
Hello!
So true! Thank you for reading!
L