It felt like you were
like when i paused a minute
between awareness and eyes open
i was sure you could have been
i want to wake up before you
and let the dog out
and return with coffee
and carrot cake
i want to see the look in your eyes
when you wake up
i want to take a blade
to the last tenuous sinew
that has me gleefully teetering
over a life spent falling into you
tear me to ribbons and wrap me up
like a gift that's yours to open
over coffee and
carrot cake and
sleeping in and
making love and
fucking
to the edge of all breath and back
Together
Jan 21, 2023
FIWYHWIWU
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Dear IO
Given context of the relationship between this poem and the other I would leave fuck, it fits right once the reader knows what the title means, fucking doesn't have to be a bad thing, passion takes over and yeah that's just me.
I am going to play with those first three lines in my head this afternoon, there is something that doesn't feel right...
I have to say I adore this poem, other than changing the title to give *fuck* context & those first three lines its brilliant!!!
hugs JC
Dear Mark
I'm sorry if my comment offended. Since I hadn't been here very much in these last seven or eight years, no one had pointed that out. Glad you did. I will keep in my lane from here on out.
Cheers Jayne
I will reread the site rules
I will reread the site rules when I'm around next time, it seems I am out of touch. A public reprimand seems to be the way of things now.
I feel thoroughly chastised.
Cheers for that! Jayne
dear IO,
these are my favorite lines:
i want to see the look in your eyes
when you wake up
i want to take a blade
to the last tenuous sinew
that has me gleefully teetering
over a life spent falling into you
I think you should know that I love your poetry. it is fresh and unrestrained.
*hugs, Cat