Alex Tanner
Alex Tanner
Dec 13, 2022

My Spider Queen

The Spider weaves her silken web
In Palace gold
Or Garden Shed.
A thing of beauty to entice,
Trap a victim, man or mice.

And you my love, my spider fair
With arms so slim
And nails so bare
Are like the spider as you wait
To wrap a soul, to seal his fate.

To sink your fangs deep in his flesh
As he lies, helpless, in your mesh.
Life from his very soul you suck
Then cast him off, an empty husk.

And I, my love, my spider fair
Would willing come into your lair
Offer my naked breast to you.
Feel sharp white fangs pierce me through.

So to feel my life blood go
Between your moistened lips red flow
I weaken as I fill your maw,
My race is done, my soul is yours.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Isle of Wight United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Lavender

Hello, Alex,
Interesting and intriguing poem, dark and sly. Wonderful title which enhances the theme. The Queen certainly has her willing victim under her spell. Love can hurt. I wonder about the word "drill" - maybe "pierce" or something similar? It seems the wound entry would be smooth and slow, very calculated. Love the Palace Gold and Garden Shed reference.
Thank you!
L

Rosewood Apothecary

Title, language, theme, rhythm, rhyme, logic seems ok. Definitely a clear beginning and end. One could hardly hope for a more organized and flowing poem.
On a personal note I’ve been in relationships that felt like this and they weren’t the healthiest, as you might imagine.

Nice work
Tim

Geezer

I would write the line: "As he lies helpless, in your mesh."
and "I weaken as my blood does pour."
Otherwise, a very well written piece. I love the dark feeling of it! ~ Geezer.
.

Jackweb

What a lovely catchy title! The thoughts hit all the right notes, it is readily understood by all
and fits all the criteria for one of those AWESOME poems.
Here, I see a gem, that was cut and polished by hand and really
means something by virtue of the simplicity and honesty of it.
Well done!
.

C

i love dark poems. i wrote one called the spider's queen but not like this. in mine i am the queen the decider of life and death for the spiders i allow in one corner of the living room lol. love the poem but since you are using slant rhyme i would drop the inversion and not use it -change those lines maybe yyou can still find a slant rhyme to use at the end of the lines rather than using inversion to get it

Alex Tanner

Hello Cathy. Thank you for your advice. as a relative newcomer to poetry (A life in theatre though) many terms I am given I have to look up. I am always happy to take advice, as I was happy to take stage directions. I confess I don't always act on it.
I will always be pleased to listen to any comments you may make about works I submit.
Alex.