SURVIVER OF THE FITTEST

Voices cries out afar
In a tick forest discovered by strangers
Who trespassed for a quest of exploration
Though their quest was successful
and they we're called masters
It cries aloud nonstop
Perhaps, seeking for a rescue
A freedom yearned desired

Freedom they yelled
Yelled long ago in one tune
But different thoughts
They gained their flag with two colors
Green and white
A land full of natural resources
And in peace the claimed it
But the minds of greed and evil
Flee many away

Those without energy to out-jump
The famine forest turns against each other
And I see but surviver of the fittest
Living in a land which feeding is by faith
All must accept but their fate
For we sights no future
And the present but torture
For every dawn begins with a clumsy detriment.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , abuja

Favorite Poets: Any good poet of my likening

Comments

So much in this

I feel the pain of what you are writing

Perhaps a stronger effort in choice of words
I’d use more metaphor
Perhaps describe the smells,
Set up what you may be saying
Take us in the direction you want us to realize

Thank Ray

British government colonized Nigeria and according to my tradition they believe that the British were just strengers who came to explored that is why put that way so that they can as well understand.