Who Am I?
I dabble in darkness,
gifts of shadow parse out.
from "the wings"
I whisper, never a shout.
silently, slowly,
I watch and wait
for the right time,
my profession to sate.
with phantom touch
I separate body from soul
the fates cut the threads
and they're no longer whole.
to the ferryman,
a token I toss
he rows the boat
just another loss.
day or night I am present
just who am I?
I'll give you a clue...
I work with a scythe
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*changes thanks to Geezer
&
cathy mccormick
Comments
Here is your answer...
Death, is my name
and I come with a sigh
This is my game
A couple of little tweaks, to make it smoother?
1] Delete the [I] in the line: [ gifts of shadow parsed out]
2] from ["the [dark] wings']
3] sate
4] scythe
We like this much! ~ Gee and Killer.
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thank you Geez,
we always appreciate the little touches you lend to help make our poems better :) hello to Killer for us!
*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy styx
It is my...
great pleasure to help if I can. No need to give me credit for any critique or comments, and 'Killer' says Hi back. ~ Geez.
.
just a suggestion: to keep
just a suggestion: to keep with the perfect rhyme you have used, how about in the last stanza instead of another is lost, which is not perfect rhyme with toss, you use "just another loss".. the current last stanza does not rhyme and i prefer this without it. i have one on this, too. will post when i can. i wrote a poem when i was about 20. i did not pick it up again for about 50 years. rewrote it, keeping only two original lines. can i say i hold the record for "working" longest on a poem lol
dear cathy,
thank you for the helpful suggestion which I have utilized. I appreciate it greatly! btw...I loved your poem, it made my day!
*hugs, Cat
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u r u
nothing else but
CW
U well me review
others 2222222