I read your heart
to the trees
they swayed
in their thrall,
crimson streaked
my hands
I lay offering
in mirrored chance
besides your dog,
never looking past
the leash and collar,
I noticed the ghost of you
content to smell the ground
muttering of lost moments
ever ignoring the madness
that seethed below the surface
of me … or you ?
I had no clue till
I noticed your mirror’s
are shattered
every single one of them
in each broken piece
I’m screaming for you to let go
Last Few Words: This is a poem that made it onto a list of great poems and an achievement for someone who starred as a roses are red kinda poet° ... Anyway, Jess months before he died encouraged me to go back and revisit old poems with fresh eyes. Just goes to show eh ? I did do some tweaking. At this stage I am as always humbled by anyone who has suggestions.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
There are...
many things that could have inspired this poem and since it is by your own admission, old; I'm not sure that I could fathom the meaning. I do think that there is some unresolved issue here, that you wish put to rest. I particularly liked the lines: "I noticed the ghost of you, sniffing the ground and muttering of lost moments." I think that it it gives a vital clue and hence the feeling that it is an unresolved thing. Oh, I begin to see... I think so anyway. If you have tried to portray the emotional moment
of recieving or giving redemption. I do believe you have succeeded. Only crit. I see is the apostrophe in the word [mirrors]; you don't need it. Love and higgest bugs, Sis. ~ Gee.
.
Dearest Bro
I noticed a comment before I logged out. I thought I'd pop in for a sec waiting for the morphine to kick in lol Dude you're so damn close to truth, it's killing me not to tell you but I wanna keep it a secret. For the time being. I'll reveal all in 2 days hence. Lol. Redemption both the giving and receiving. You know me too well. Hahaha lol
Much love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx
Hi, I also am a little
Hi, I also am a little confused. All the same, your poem has whittled my curiosity. At first I thought it is about a dog you lost, but it doesn't seem to be, not all. The title, spacing and all else is fine. I'll return to know your secret.
You've had a good teacher, I'm sorry that I never knew Jess. I wonder why you wrote "besides your dog", I think you mean "beside", not sure.
All the best, Gracy
Dear Gracy
As I said this is an old poem, once upon a time there was a greats of poetry list. Very few poems from Neo made it onto that list. This one and another of mine made that list. Silly to be so chuffed that some poem made a list but I was so proud. I was the only one with 2 poems on the list. Anna and Richard also made the list as well. There were others but off the top of my head can't think. I have a paper copy somewhere. This has a very personal meaning. It's to do with mental health and redemption. If you're really interested I'd be happy to write a step by step explanation for you. It's a poem that I never thought was very good until a critic told me it was. Who knew lol
Kindest regards
Jayne