A child here heaven does call, - shall be brave
Souls must save, fighter stand tall
By virgin hands English fall
Will of God speaks to a girl - precious youth
Witness truth, her fire unfurl
Almighty wrath she now hurls
Fearless, accepting her fate - sad demise
Spirit rise through holy gate
In heaven trust, angels wait
Comments
Hello
Hello Mark, thank you ever so much. I struggled with that line. I wanted to use the word in. But the line then breaks the rules by becoming 8 syllables long. It has to be 7. But I will try a revise that line.
Thanks for reading and the help today
Kind regards
LG
I changed it
From:
She trusts heaven, angels wait
to:
In heaven trust, angels wait
Is that better or worse ? lol my brain feels a little numb :)
I am not...
a part of this workshop, but felt compelled to say that I didn't have to read the author's comments to realize that this was about Joan of Arc! So kudos to you, for writing something so well that it led me to the proper assumption! ~ Geezer.
.
Oh wow
You just made my day :)
Thank you Geezer, I am thrilled it read right. I do like Joan of Arc. So I am beaming you got the theme.
Kind regards
LG
You have achieved!
Great LG you have the form spot on and for a first EP its really good. Congratulations all that syllable counting worked.
Little point line 3 has 8 syllables but minor issue.
Very well done
Where is it?
Hello, I keep counting 7 so I am confused. Any chance you can breakdown that line and show me the 8th syllable ? Then I can work on changing that offensive line lol
Thanks ever so much. It was fun to do. Even though hard work
Kind regards
LG
Will /of /God spo/ken/ to /a
Will /of /God spo/ken/ to /a /girl
Spoken to me is two syllables do you see it as one?
Will /of /God spo/ken/ to /a
Will /of /God spo/ken/ to /a /girl
Spoken to me is two syllables do you see it as one?
Will of God spoken to her?
Gotcha
Oh I was looking at the line before as you said line 3
By virgin hands English fall
But I see it in the line you say. I think I missed the fact I put an “a” in the line. I will change spoken
Thanks ever so much for spotting it, so I can fix it
Kindest regards
LG
Sorry cant count lol
I have the dreaded flu at the mo with a head like cotton wool. No wonder you couldnt work it out... Sorry for misleading you! Sam
Get Well Soon
Oh that is awful to hear. I hope you feel better soon, and thanks so much for giving me your time, especially when you feel so poorly
All the best
LG
Thank you
I worked hard on this and yes very pleased with the finished results. All down to the wonderful teaching and support from Sam and all on here
Many thanks for reading it and glad you liked my theme.
Kindest regards
LG
Re form
Classical forms are harder work than free verse in you really have to think about word choice but when its right the results can be lovely . Its a good form for your repertoire and learning metre and how we can exploit wirds fir sound and meaning will help all your poetry.
Thanks
Thanks Samary, it's been a great learning curve. I am looking forward to the rest of the workshop
Many thanks for all your support
Kind regards
LG