She speaks
In a velvet voice
Fit for angels
But not to me
Spending time with her is a gift
A feeling
Like my stomach is caving in
I can't breath
I'm nervous
Around her
Thinking about her
Worrying
Wondering
Wanting to know everything
About her
Her
Last Few Words: I already published this poem but edited it based on the constructive criticism and decided to post the new one. Thanks for helping me out!
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Intense
An expression of intense feelings that can potentially give rise to something deeper, perhaps love. Nice.
Good on you Hannah!
Not everyone is able to accept constructive criticism and this is a good rewrite, a better poem.
However I disagree with Mark about posting it as a separate poem (we can disagree with each other and still be constructive). If you use the Edit tab to edit your poem another tab appears 'Revisions', with that you can easily compare previous versions to be sure you have lost nothing and we can do the same, to help you better.
I look forward to your next poem,
Whatever works...
I'm glad that you have gotten something good out of the critique that you were given. I think that this piece has gotten better, and Jess is right, if you use the edit option, you will have better results. ~ Nice work, ~ Geezer.
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