Toxic is our love now, all tangled and torn
Poisonous are the words heard by these ears
Like a prisoner of war, all shaven & shorn
We are left to give voice to our fears
Toxic to the touch now, laced with vindictive venom
Hands once caring, gentle, are now groping claws
Tearing asunder, clawing through to the very marrow
Words uttered through once soft lips, now vicious,gaping maws
Toxic chasms of doubt now, churning with betrayal continuously
Boiling, bubbling over with acidic intention to indenture
To move this past the once well intended intentions
Now exodus to darker lands, black, no place to venture
Toxic infusions of gaseous invisibility, rendering us inadequate
To the once, simple, easy flowing process of unconditional love
This to, now comes with ifs & maybes, a sad, lonely banquet
Of light never moving, where the dancers are left inky black
Toxic now is the stench of this of this once fragrant existence
For controlled by lust for power, to be the ultimate one
To rule over all you deem to have acquired through pestilence
Lies, pain, twisted fates, destroyed dreams now in state of oblivion.
Toxic is your touch now,
For you ask to much
You have taken everything there is, controlled it
Moulded it, to your perfect ideal of illusioned existence
Comments
your poem
The craft of your poem is very nice for me. Nice flow of ides, purposeful lines, nicely broken in stanzas to give the reader a chance to breathe. There are a few awkward breaks in the meter that i think you will find as you read and re-read the poem to yourself.
Your poem nicely expresses how love becomes toxic, usually by one partner's expectations and demands of another; in a way (to me) it is no longer love. The word "now" is used twice in the poem, and references to the "now" are in there, but not at the beginning, where it belongs.
I would consider it right off: "Now toxic is our love, all tangles and torn" Or "Toxic now is our love,..".
It alludes to the fact there once was a "truer" love. That should not be an assumption.
You have hit on a sad universal of relationships. The urge of one partner to control the other. Surely everyone has experienced it either personally or in family or friends.
"Now" - point of accuracy in which....
Hey Eumolpus,
Thank you for the read - always appreciate feedback......
the "now" aspect of this write is now, current, this person finds themself in this situation.......not to certain whether out is the way or to stay is better. Sad, but true, courageous? I don't know if this person could be called that for staying, or if they are the other end of the spectrum altogether being a coward to afraid of being alone.......
This evokes a deep chord of misunderstood understanding in a sense (I don't know if that makes any sense......)
I have made a few changes......lets see