lovedly
lovedly
Aug 15, 2019
This poem is part of the contest:

August Quickie

(Read More...)

Summer Fun(Contest August)

Wow
Summer again was cold all along
a young chick remains glued to mom's tits he adorns
pair of sibling’s, young ones pull each other’s hair for fun
Mom and pop are sunning at the beach
preparing for another summer’s lasting memorable one (for fun)

young upcoming teens wish to brush lips often
as they cross the permissible age
their love entwined has begun

another couple is smiling
the coming one is kicking her tummy
what a funny feeling

then can't forget aged one's
Grand kids need a change of nappy
granny is happy
grand pa is feeling horny
where have those days gone
when they were under the blankets
at darkness searching

Well all life is lovely since summer has for a while come
Let’s all have our kind of everlasting desirous fun
haven't you yet begun summer's pun

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

just can't help feeling that it's all written as the lines come to you and you don't know what is coming next.
~ Geezer.
.

lovedly

my thanks all
my freestyle poems
just come as visuals mainly in my dreams

I am not much of an articulated poet
so it seems
yet even with neopoets my poems glow with sheen
three contests
one won
one mentioned in honours
and
the best one set technically aside it seems
My Mom's Smiles
As the lady affected me only
NOT INTERNATIONALLY A LADY

lovedly

this is an old poem already
posted earlier Kindly note

Gracy

Gracy

4 years 10 months ago

Hi, I agree with Gee, your theme is wonderful but the poem is rather "messy", no offence meant. You want the raw truth, there 'tis.
Not sure whether the siblings are kids or the chicks, that's not clear. Real hen's chicks certainly peck at each other, sometimes they peck the bottom of the black ones, isn't that incredible and sad? We often had to remove the "different" chick and take care of it ourselves, mostly with fine Quaker oats.
Hope you can manage to shorten the lines, it's fine to use dreams as your muse, but then the stream of consciousness has to be understandable or at least metaphorical, with some alliterations, similes or whatever. Some sort of show and not tell, methinks.
All the best, Gracy

lovedly

I already won in 2019
now this Jun fun one
must be read by ma'am you
say something something ...
I like to hear from you

Argentina's Pablo
I COULD BE
SHARE HIS
DOB
NOT YEAR
CLEARLY