To a toddler the whole world
Could be a candy bar
To a sailor in the days of old
A certain fix-ed star
To a folky or an emo kid
That one important song
To a suffering and lonely soul
Just a chance to belong
We’re all a little different
In that way we’re the same
We have our share of longing
We have our share of pain
What could be so unique to us
In one season of life
Could become as common as a cold
And come under the knife
Like Einstein’s famous argument
For relativity
What on earth matters to us
Our force of gravity
Could be close to nothing
Up in outer space
And maybe there’s a heaven
That’s filled with grace on grace
We have to weigh our options
We have to make our rules
But sometimes what we praise and blame
Can make us into fools
The world is a vampire
But it’s also a blank slate
Like Lincoln said, whatever you do
Just make sure that it’s great
Comments
Really good...
stuff here! Your rhythm falls off now and then, but when you are on, you are on! I feel like the last stanza was about the best of the whole lot; just read it aloud after reading the rest and you can see what I mean. Even that last line could use a tweak. Try; "Just make sure it's great!" You really have a feel for rhyme and if you read your stuff aloud, you will see where it stumbles. Experiment with different rhythms, to see where it stutters! Don't be afraid to drop or shorten a line, if need be. You can always use it in another poem, [if you write it down]. Sometimes, just changing the position of two words, can make or break a whole line! Good title, good theme. ~ Geezer.
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Thank you Geezer. Often I do
Thank you Geezer. Often I do freezers, but I absolutely love trying to get the rhythm and rhyme down in a poem. Maybe it's Shel Silverstein, maybe it's being a drummer for many years. I think one of my challenges is that I can find stresses that make things work, that don't always translate to the reading eye. I made a recording of this, with the way I intended for it to be heard/read. Interested in any feedback about the challenge of hitting certain accents in words as I write. https://soundcloud.com/gregwa8/whatever-you-do
I am...
beginning to really see the advantages in being able to record your work for others to listen to! I agree, that it is better spoken than just read. I would guess that the inflection and accent from different parts of the world has something to do with that. It seems much smoother and therefore easier to understand. After hearing it, I don't have anything to criticize! So much nicer in hearing.~ Geezer.
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