gregwa8

Apr 16, 2019

Sensuality

Sometimes I don’t want sex

The moonlight
Upon
White oak leaves

The nightingale’s
Midnight serenade

The passerine’s sigh
In bed
At first light

The scent
Of library books

That a hundred or more
Have turned with
The tips of their fingers

Walking the city streets
And seeing hair colored
Black or red
Purple or blue

Spiky
Or curled
Or draping down

The twirl of a chiffon dress
Or an umbrella
In the wind

Just the eye, the ear, the nose’s
Delight

Will do

Sometimes this is all sex
To me too

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Comments

"Better than sex"

is a kind of a common joke..the meal, baseball game, (whatever), was better than sex, In this poem of lovely soft sensual suggestive images, you have told us, IN THE TITLE, correctly...it is NOT about you now wanting sex, its about enjoying the sensuality. By stating in the first sentence, the poem is saying not what the poem says, not that you "want" sex, but you don't "need" the sex act to enjoy sensuality. Big difference. One make's the poem a cliche, the other makes the poem more personable.
But I wouldn't even start out saying it,I would lead up to it. Start the poem

The moonlight
Upon
White oak leaves

then The nightingale’s/ Midnight serenade is just off in the meter, using 2 words of three syllables in both lines, or the strees of 3/5 is a sound distraction.
The (2 syllable word) nightingale’s
Midnight serenade

Love the scent of library books, but does not evoke sensuality, something different.

After "will do"- it is then in some way to come up with the punchline, the suggestion you want the reader to take with him...who needs sex with all this around you.

But I do think the premise is a stretch in taking sides of sensuality over sex. I guess I personally feel sensuality is part of sex, not a substitute.

thank you for your comments,

thank you for your comments, Eumolpus. it's actually not a poem about sensuality over sexuality, but how sometimes sensuality is enough, and sometimes it is the very thing that leads to sexuality. that's why though I respect your feedback, I like framing the poem with the two statements about not needing sex, and it all being sex. it's kind of like one of those poems that you can read forward and read backward. if you read it with the first line only, it is a poem about sensuality over sexuality. if you read it with the last line only, all of the images become charged with sexuality. the library book one is a little too orgie like for my own sexual tastes, lol. but some could relate to that, I'm sure. a better writer could really take this concept and hit a homerun with it I think. I'll just have to keep writing so one day I can be that guy. :) thanks again for your comments.

I love the simplicity

I love the simplicity/complexity of the emotions triggered by such lines as

The scent of
Library books

To me there is a longing and a contentment conveyed in your poem that cause me to not just enjoy it but experience it.

thank you. and welcome!

I agree partly

yesterday I saw two chicks
at the Reception Desk
wow what a cleavage
exposed purposely
My sensuality was
aroused
but came home and did not need
sex

You are abs right
sex is physical
where as
sensuality is merely visual

at times eyes pleasure more
walking streets for sure

Then also age matters
of the poet
many young ones
like you
and oldies me

enjoyed the fragrance