Roscoe Lane
Roscoe Lane
Jan 13, 2019

Us Whores....

Us Whores…

Leaders stand and preach lies,
as kids cough their way to school.
Above we see darkened sky’s,
why let them corrupt and rule.

Rubbish underfoot polluted air,
rivers run with human waste.
Pollutants in lungs, sticky hair,
if you don’t believe, just taste.

Whales, we all like to call majestic,
seeing them in picture or real life
We poison them with our plastic,
a far cleaner death with a knife.

Now count your footprints score,
consuming good air like a Gannet.
Acting like a capitalist’s whore,
pollution a new pox on our planet.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Scotland, Ayrshire land of Burns.., GBR

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

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Comments

weirdelf

Not necessarily a suggestion but I might have said for the last line-
people, a pox on our planet.

But that is too simplistic and condemnational. Some of us do our best. If I have a real crit it is in not naming the real criminals in such a content driven poem.

To me it is simple arithmetic-
Capitalism depends on profit and continual growth.
This is a finite planet.
One of them must die.

S

You need a question mark at end of line 4. Line 1 of 2nd stanza try "Rubbish piled beneath polluted air".Stanza 3 line 3 you might change poison to choke...might be more accurate. Footprints' instead od footprints.Last line you might try changing a to the.......A timely poem for a problem which is growing especially in Asia......stan

Roscoe Lane

Thank you Stan, this time I believe the message is more important than the poems structure. If only we could convince our leaders. Regards Roscoe...

lovedly

The meek shall inherit the Earth
meek is not afraid ones
but poor and weak
such intelligent poetry