it’s a rainy day
and all i can think of is
God watching me disapprovingly
brushing your pink soft feet
against my wet mouth and nostrils
entranced by the smooth curve of your arches
is that spiritual, i wonder
adoring their scent
admiring the cotton fluff
from your socks
white as angels
soft as indigo silk
floating like little puff clouds
on your shapely pinkish toes
your red nails
remind me of bloody daggers
while i bleed troupes of silvered tears upon them
a Christian sacrifice?
or is it
a Satanic Black Arts Ritual
wanting to feel them slit my skin
because i love you so much?
i devote myself
that you may be so kind
as to step carelessly upon my face
like a treading wheel
pushing in my eye sockets and lips
like stones in dirt
i get down on my knees
and prostrate myself
while you place a light of the world cross
around my neck
and carve an incandecent pentagram
on my skull
to sanctify
what shall i do with this
spontaneous impulse of spirits hunger
so ardent
am i dammed
to love so much
red angel?
will you extend your pointed toes towards me
to receive my tremulous lips
and cleansing tears?
i’m ever yours,
killer
queen of love and pain
Comments
Greetings Zebra,
Title is OK. Better once I read through the first time.
Love your words,
Love the cadence...a tiny wee bit choppy in places, but absolutely minor, nothing to worry about,
beginning and ending are good.
If I knew what internal logic actually was, I would opine on it. But I do know that this poem is consistent in its message, as I perceive it, if that helps. The only word I would change is 'nostrils'. It does not fit. The word is too detached, out of place with the body of the poem, imo.
And to the theme:
I really enjoyed the dichotomy between love and obsession, passion and perversity, that you unfold in this, from sweet love to near sm/ pornographic obsession, all wrapped up in a mundane rainy day full of lust and love and the implied spiritual guilt.
Very male, to me.
Excellent poem, most excellent.
Very much appreciate your
Very much appreciate your thoughtful insight Jim, Many thanks
My only regret here...
is that RTG got here first! Because he said everything I wanted to say about this one; and better! Damn you! Anyway, everything he said, I totally agree with, I love the progression of emotion from mere enamor, to full blown eroticism! Nice work! ~ Geezer.
.
:)
I think l will, I'm actually brand new to the site as in back after publishing one poem about 2 years ago
Really appreciate the time you took to read my write and for your kind comment Gezzer...Thank you!!!!1
Combining god with kinky sex
is surely an uncommon stretch for me. Being a total atheist it's a bit hard for me to relate to any of the aspects of "sin" concerning any act of pleasure between consenting adults. But I do understand the hours of brainwashing having influence over people- I have had conversations with many Christians about this. There is even, for me, a deeply sadistic eroticism in so many of the Gothic crucifixion paintings.
The only thing I might suggest is to reinforce the rainy day in other parts of the poem, and make it a more important aspect of the narrative.
Thanks for the challenging offering!
I heard a man say that what
I heard a man say that what ever is paramount to a person is their God. It could be money murder, war sex or anything Their seems to be a fundamental problem with the disposition to be progressive or trans god in that the opposition or atheism is often framed in synoptic terms [i.e.exorteric as opposed to esoteric} a ham fisted patriarchal deity Oden type character, a real ass kicker or the withering Christian son of pure love and compassion The question remains do you think that atheism is direct rejection of this concept or is it a rejection of the notion of a self effulgent beyond formless matrix with no understandable attributes i.e. simply a source? And that God
could be seen through an atheistic lens as a a kind of trans - physics
G...enerator
O...perator
D...estroyer
and that the god of religion or human invention with all the cultural attributions is rooted in a kind o cultural anthropology, In other words, is it the epistemological aspects of religion you reject or the notion that every thing is from something even if that something is ,,,NO THING, yet extant?
"their god
a shrunken form
projection of an incomplete mind"
As for the poem it is an attempt to hint at that question
To pit human need and desire. Primal Will, against the convention of religious myth and liturgies that may be and as I think remain meager in their spirituality and heavy handed in their social engineering
Are these not metaphors for the bicameral split of God as Super ego and Id as a Satanic force
Many Hindus, kabbalists, Gnostics and Hermetasists to name a few see sexuality as essential to spiritual evolution as in tantra or what kabbalists call the left handed path
You might like to read the German sex Magicians
How Felliniesque of you to invoke the eroticism that bleeds through as the flowing haired Son of God is crucified, he the willing submissive evocative of the feminine aspect yielding and sacrificial to the male power of Imperious Roman
I very much enjoy your comments, reviews of my work and the exchange... All ways Many thanks!
hmm...
As per my response to you in my poem, to continue the dialogue...
You have taken a lot of time with your comments and want to reciprocate.
First is the difference between "religion" and god. To me religion is a curse, and prayer a disease. Of course that is subject for a book with 300 pages. But I have often been on the side of Spinoza that god is the force that holds the universe together, the substance of all things. Our minds have corrupted it with myths and personifications. Another approach is that of Krishnamurti, suggesting that we use what we have to live fully and don't torture ourselves with silly questions like whether god is a male or a female or whatever, as we can never know this. Based on the sadistic world that a god may have created, in which all things struggle to survive and consume each other, and the brutality and greed of survival, as well as human history, I would repeat what someone scribbled on the wall of Auschwitz- "If there is a god, he would have to beg forgiveness from me"
But there is beauty in the world. And there is imagination. And I have always sided with Blake- God IS the imagination.
I am aware of instinct to create god, Freud and Jung. Yes, it is an instinct that developed as consciousness did over the hundreds of thousands of years of humanity. All I can try to do is focus that instinct on creating art, the imagination.
As to tantric systems- I have no problem with finding mystical completion through orgasm. The artifacts of history show that to be a constant theme, and seems to be a theme in some of your work.
You are a most unique person to be expressing yourself in these terms, as you have told me we are about the same age. There are times I remember the Greek philosopher who praised his old age because he could finally think straight, without the constant need to guided by his penis. (like George's Brain on that Seinfeld episode) . I'm not there yet, but I can sometimes understand it now...