Geezer

Nov 08, 2010

Storm Trooper...

The storm sent tiny missles to destroy my mood
Even though they struck my fortress with great accuracy
My roof protected me from the explosions of iciness
The armour of my sweater held

The wind howled like a thousand adversaries
I covered my ears with a helmet of wool
Peering over the window-sill
I saw the miniscule flares of bombs in the street-lights

Fortified by hot-chocolate
I gathered my courage and weapons
I was about to jump out of the trenches
When I heard the Man say

The northeastern front has collapsed
The enemy has taken a different track
Stand down, we have been reprieved
The battalions of low - pressure and sunshine, have saved my ass again

In the barracks, I endure the jibes of my fellow combatants
Hey you old salt, what are you laughing about
Throwing yourself in front of the enemy
Makes you expendable

I will dig trenches and breastworks for safe passage
Supplies and mail must get through
Autumn has sent a Dear John letter
And The mess-tent is some consolation

Traction Sentries are fitted to all vehicles
Blades of plastic, will skin the ice from their windscreens
And anti-freeze will hold back the virus of frost
The battle looms on that dusky horizon

Generally speaking, my plan is sound
Attack early
Sweep the the enemy from the perimeter
And retreat to the shelter of our castle

I hope that we can hold out
Until the legions of robins and ranks of Spring
Can reinforce us
With the promise of Summer

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

this held together perfectly.

this held together perfectly...quite a feat considering its length...my analogies always break down by the second stanza....

good stuff!

Hanging together...

I love working with analogies, they seem like kind of twist of words, which I really like to do. it was a fun thing to contemplate the coming winter as a war. I hate being cold! I don't mind the snow and ice, and I even go out and play in it for a little bit. But as soon as I'm cold, that's it, I'm done! Thanx for the read, and comment. ~ Gee

Hello Geezer

I enjoyed reading this poem from begining to end. It:s very cleverly written I particularly like the last stanza, I've been looking forward to summer since it finished! LOL.

Brilliant poem - Just need to get through the war zone now. It's wet and windy here in South Wales.

Love to you

Love Mand xxxxxxxxxxx

P.s one small typo I think

In the barracks, I endure the jibes of my fellow combatants
Hey you old salt, what are you laughing about
Throwing yourself yourself in front of the enemy ,,,,,,,,( x 2 yourself )
Makes you expendable

Thank you for...

the heads up on the typo. Guess i must have battle-fatigue. LOL Glad you liked it.
~ Gee

Gee

Some poetry I find awkward and difficult to read and really get into it. This is NOT one of them...I travelled with your soldier here and enjoyed the images of where he was and was absorbed in his thoughts. I allowed myself to escape in this piece and your clever flow kept me on this poetic journey.

Thanks for the trip.

Throwing yourself yourself in front of the enemy - maybe a double entry there!

Great poem, one of your best my friend,

Don't know how...

I missed replying to your comment. I'm glad I could take you to the battle-field with my soldier! War with winter was another title I was considering, but at just the right moment, my grandson came into the room, he had a toy-gun from the Star Wars movies. The title just popped into my head! I am always pleased that someone can see the images that I try to paint with my words. It makes me feel that I have done a good job of writing. I am looking forward to seeing more of your collaborations with other poets. Maybe we could do one sometime? ~ Gee

Gee

Gee,

I hadn't realised you hadn't responded to my comment...the tracking of comments is a little sketchy with the new version of Neo, although I am sure it will be sorted.

Storm Trooper was definetly the right title in my opinion.

This piece certainly painted images for me and I thoroughly enjoyed the read.

A co-write...of course my friend anytime you want, sounds like a good idea...Killer and the Hood.

regards,

Yes....

I am still getting used to the new format, but as you say, I'm sure that it will all be sorted out soon. I'm having a little trouble waiting for the chats to open though. I will think upon a subject for our collaboration... unless maybe you have an idea swimming around in your head already? Maybe we might start off with one of your one word titles, and go from there? I like the idea of Killer teaming up with the Hood, I'll bet we could come up with some stuff really to knock 'em dead! LOL ~ Gee

At war with winter? Who

At war with winter? Who woulda thunk? Only you.

And the red coats are coming, the blue coats are coming, YEAH!...oh about 3 months away. (The mean season comes upon us, you wouldn't believe the wind off the lake!.)

Love this poem Sir G.

I'm so far behind in reading!

Your comment...

about the red and blue coats coming, reminded me of when my children were small, and we used to take them to the mall.
They had special coats, that we called their Go-To-The-Mall coats, they were the most brightly colored and garish jackets we could find. [The better to keep track of them]. They really enjoyed buying them or trading them with other kids, [hand-me-downs]
All this reminded me that today is my youngest son's birthday, and I should call him! Gosh! Where did thirty-plus years go? I went to Buffalo one year when there had been a huge storm, and there was a terrible wind blowing in off the lake. So yes, I would believe it! I am pretty far behind in reading too, and I am making a big effort to read and comment, so I hope that I will be forgiven if I haven't commented on anything you have posted. I will get to it sooner or later. ~ Gee

Battles with winter...

I keep telling my wife to play the Lottery, so that our only battle with winter will be in getting through the traffic headed south! LOL We will be Snowbirds, leaving before the winter gets here, and coming back after it is gone! I tried to give the feeling of war, because that is the way I feel about winter. It is often a battle to find a place to put the snow from the last storm before the next one comes along. Sometimes we have a good winter, where the storms come spaced far enough apart, that some of it melts, or gets trucked away before the next one come along. I remember you telling about the dust storms that you guys have, and so I am sure that you can equate them with our snow storms! Snow or dust, just a matter of it being cold or hot.
Glad you enjoyed the read! Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee