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Symptoms of testosterone, Part 3 – Immortality

Women only know for sure
Men make
make art
make empires
make monuments
or seduce
or rape

or quietly accept our own ends

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics

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Comments

I am venturing with suggestions

Women only know for sure
Men make
create art
build empires
leave monuments
seduce or rape

or quietly accept our own ends

If they didn't
women would
mount their horse
kick their arse
to suit their pace
to win the race
then dismount
after crossing
the finishing line
in grace

to let it be known who is the boss
.............................................

[laughs] I like it, Raj,

Though it kind of misses the point. Women already win the immortality race by the ability to make babies. (68% of DNA tests to prove paternity end in divorce). Only women know.

So how do men compensate?

Good to know at least it made

Good to know at least it made you laugh Jess

My take on your poem was about male dominance in spite of the fact that women are left times with adrenaline still pumping and ready for multiple rides at the end line...

considering the clarification you have given about how this poem was conceived,,,do you think "Effects of Testosterone" would be more appropriate thatn "Symptoms"?
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there is an idea

in your head you are trying to approach. I'm not sure what it is yet. as a short work it is easy to ready several times..i kept on being tempted to put on air from Boris Karloff playing Frankenstein: "Fire...good.... Men...make..."
Ok so men do it all- good stuff (art) powerful stuff (empires) and monuments, but also seduce and bad stuff (rape). and must do so "or quietly accept OUR own ends" which means to me if men stop being "men" they will....end (literally, or figuratively) . Or is the our for all humanity, not just males. So all the questions...women know this, and accept it?
Well, here's one take:

What we know for sure
it is men who make
Make art
make empires
make mountains
they seduce us
Or rape

What we know for sure
is their fate is ours
but only to share
We bare the child
who would be man
It is we who lay await
in the palace bed
and draw one to our web
where we take their seed
and devour them alive

Getting closer, thanks Mark

but I want to avoid either misogyny or misandry where possible.
Women do great and shitty things too and don't all have kids.
And although I may have been a Sensitive New Age Guy I was never a Caring Understanding Nineties Type [grins]
Being kind and nurturing doesn't kill us, I'm looking more at what drives us. Maybe I need to include something about how our aggression and violence can be fierce protectiveness too.

"Shorts" such as this, only

"Shorts" such as this, only really work if you don't at first grasp the meaning, sort of built in ambiguity,
So, ya nailed it. lol.

I keep reading " The red wheelbarrow" by W,C,W. I still have no fecking idea as to what folk see in it..

Obi