Marvel Godwyn
Marvel Godwyn
Nov 22, 2017

Deific wisdom

I yearn for that deific wisdom
that would bring me total freedom.
Freedom from obscurity
into a life of utmost clarity.

A hallowed wisdom to veer me from a doomed path.
Guide me through,to the threshold of truth.
Adorn me with a worthy dexterity,
to attain my desired superiority.

If sageness has no stipulated age,
then now i want to be a sage.
Divine wisdom is supreme .
I want to fetch from its stream.

Life on earth is an illusion,
Without wisdom one wallows in delusion,
life becomes completely a torture,
with the heart fractured beyond suture.

The one who is armed with discernment,
never judges with impairment.
Sees always in others the best,
whilst other people see the worst.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Nigeria

Favorite Poets: Jess Tapper

More from this author

Comments

chevyvent

I admire a use of verse which both implores and explores the richness and forbidden nature of the human subconscious. I like to imply a vent for a universal mind, and I see in lots of poetry both the words and rhythmical mantra of life, sex and death,, for me, broken senses predicate a sea of songs which sing for a shattered and angry use of heart break and sensual human ideals. although I write endless poetry, I am self assured that some of the verses I curate are faulty.,. good wishes

weirdelf

Structurally, the use of the strict rhyming scheme AABB,sets up an expectation for other consistencies of form. I think that this piece needs stronger metric structure. It is largely in iambic tetrameter (4 feet per line) already.

Mate, I'm to ask you do a very boring  and irksome thing but I'll never do it again, except perhaps in a workshop about meter. Try parsing this piece, as I did with another of your works. Use a / to separate feet and put stressed syllables in CAPS or bold. I use bold because it it is quicker and easier, just select the syllable and hit Ctrl B. eg-

I yearn/ for that/ deif/ic wis/dom

Have a go or say no. If you do it I know it will help you come to grasp with meter. Whe you get to revising remember meter is seldom perfect. When mixing different forms remember Iambic is ok with Anapestic and Trochaic is ok with Dactylic. Can you see why?

Marvel Godwyn

Thank you so much Jess, I really a appreciate the crituque it was really helpful.I will do the assignment but I doubt if I can do it with my phone ,my laptop has a fault i need to fix it.I agree totally it will help to grasp with meter.Thanks once again Jess.

Marvel Godwyn

I YEARN for THAT deIFIC WISdom,
THAT WOULD BRING me TOTAL FREEdom.
FREEdom FROM ALL obSCURIty,
INto a LIFE OF utMOST CLARIty.

a HALlowed WISdom to VEer me FROM a DOOMED PATH,
GUIDE me THROUGH, to THE threshOLD of TRUTH.
ADORN me WITH a worTHY DExteRIty
to Attain my DEsired SUpeRIoRITY

if SAGEness HAS no STIpuLATED AGE,
THEN NOW I WANT to BE a SAGE.
DIvine WISdom IS SUpreme
I WANT to FETCH FROM IT'S stream.

LIFE ON EARTH IS AN ILlusion,
WITHOUT WISdom ONE WALlows IN DElusion,
LIFE BEcomes COMPLEteLY a TORTure,
WITH THE HEART FRACTured BEyond SUTure.

THE ONE WHO IS ARMED WITH DisCERNment,
NEver JUDges WITH imPAIRment,
SEES alWAYS in Others THE BEST,
WHILST Other PEople SEE THE WORST.