I’ve touched success root.
Everyone’s desire is wealth ,
But never under estimate health..
For happiness is what we seek,
Perhaps deep in a dream I was.
Dream seems to be just,
But disappear like dust.
Everyone is a dreamer,
Only some reveals like drama.
In silent my bed talks ,
And in private my pillow interpret.
For I am still listening,
Until my dream comes true.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
This poem is meant to reflect the myriad of disjointed thoughts
From the moment of birth to when we die, life presents us with dilemmas and questions that amuse, titillate and confuse us. As we get older, we realize that what we thought we knew was all pure conjecture. This poem is meant to reflect the myriad of disjointed thoughts that have run through my mind throughout the years. The "why me?" and "what is my purpose in life?" questions usually are met with ambiguity and incoherence. Many of us are beleaguered with these conceits and although some find solace in religion, for people like me it becomes an existential never ending struggle.
perfect point
you have gotten the point,all us has a purpose in life and is our duty to make it positively.
but possibly with the grace and Macy of the almighty GOD.
Simon
Good to see your write it needs a little more body, the lines can be extended or shortened but just watch that they portray the same meaning, Yours Ian..