Dawning village view
Landscape lush with morning dew
Birds trilling anew
Oct 31, 2017
Spectator Spectacle:
About This Poem
Last Few Words: To paraphrase a famous exit line from a classic film "Everyday is another day" and each dawn is another opportunity to realize our goals.
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
very intriguing poem!
I am not a syllable counter, I think that makes no sense in English when using haiku forms. The poem has a cadence of beats that just works, and is adorned with rhyme. The words force you to pause,
you cannot say "birds trilling anew" quickly no matter how many times you try.
Do you pair up your poems with art/photograph? Like the way poems were presented on Japanese scrolls. That would work!
a picture is worth a thousand words
good idea and I need to think about it
And?
Eumolpus, you're in a quagmire of your own words.
This is too tight and obvious.
Where's that Elf when you knead him, doh!
Gunnar
too tight and obvious - is that in a complimentary or critical manner?
No matter which - I welcome your comment.