The full moon, the world's
searchlight, scans the earth for hope.
No such luck.
Aug 08, 2017
Random Haiku 2
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
nice
I am enjoying your new work of unique haiku like poems. I do not personally think we need count the syllables, it's more about the immediacy of the images making a statement. The idea of the moonlight being a searchlight for hope is a wonderful image!
I would only suggest here we don't need "sadly". No such luck is sad enough! In reading a few times with/without, omitting that word seems to make the last line go upwards, like it has an exclamation point, not downward, after the word sadly.