Lately I feel so...

My river of love is a dried pond,
My land of expectations is a desert of sand,
My feelings were frozen,
And dreams closed in dungeon,
All the bonds never insisted,
Wish I never existed.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Karnataka, IND

Comments

you are a great Indian poet

I have read your poetry books
in book stores all over the world

be bold and brave
don't live in a cave

waves come and go
but make no haste
go slow
all on neopoets will then you know
Its taken me 7 years or so
still very few do show

Lovely edition

Hi lovedly,

You gave a much more lovely twist for my poem.
Thank you so much :)
Cheers,
Kavi

I only speak

T R U T H
only no twist
I only thirst for the love of humanity
a verse as lovely
as the Blue sea
the blue Nile maybe

The vast distant horizon
farther than the dawn
whom I still adorn
where has she gone

I search morn after morn
my own Dawn

Good write to make others take interest in your writes.
Loved says don't live in a cave, I will say this, "It is better to live in a cave and see the world, than live in the world and only see a cave"
You are very welcome to come visit my cave, there we can discuss more on this fact that we can never be alone, there are too many souls out there that love to be with each of us.
Take care and keep writing,
Yours, Sparrow. xx

Hi Ian

thank you so much for the comments :)

Cheers,
Kavi

Kavi

Some of my writings are on my web page at,
yenti.co.uk Here on this site are many things from me and some lessons from previous workshops of Neopoet.
Drop in as and when you can,
Yours as always Ian..x

Hi Ian

Yes, I will go through it Ian.
Thank you once again

Cheers,
Kavi

just hold this... can't post more than one

T R U T H
Only no twist
I only thirst for the love of humanity
a verse as lovely
as the Blue sea
the Blue Nile maybe

The vast distant horizon
farther than the dawn
whom I still adorn
where has she gone

I search morn after morn
my own Dawn

great slant on the old hurts...

out of a bender..the post depression
chronic..But of this I feel the desolation
and I like your writing style
the use of insist..
persist....I like the suggestions here
of hurt and pain...sometimes I find it
hard to get a grip on my own feelings
descriptors so sad poems or happy
jive poetry..but nothing really about
my own self....I do find beauty in desolation
even though my heart is heavy
oft...still dug in...still care...it comes
and goes the blues..the Funk as I call
it....

great poem!
Thank U! even though its of sadness
its real so thats whats great about it!
forget that poets wear their hearts on
their sleeve...and think about sensitive
stuff!

thank U!

Mr Wolf!

Hi Kavi

I wont call it dark...it has grey shades of sentiments and emotions pretty well expressed ...i suggest that you try and change the word "insisted"..to me it appears to be like an after thought as a forced rhyme as if you had already decided on the word "existed" in the concluding line...

keep writing...