The unrequited yearning
Aching with burning
As days abound keep turning
It twists into deepened hurting
Becomes fruitful in its wording
And with celestial flirting
Develops dreams that are vivid
Lustful, sweet and livid
In this bounty you prove driven
As I cry all is forgiven
Even with my entity slightly riven
I accept what is given
As we break the glass
Trying to loosen the grasp
Of the hand that turns the clasp
Breathing in a weary rasp
My heart wallows in the past
Of days that will everlast
When your mouth fed mine
And lingered elsewhere for a time
In full force you were thine
With honey and with brine
And of all beauty we did find
A palace in our minds
For the soul was just asleep
It did not flee or weep
But held tightly to its keep
And bare itself at our feet
In a brightly woven heap
Of love with fury deep
And we claimed it as one
Together to never be undone
Delivered in the birth of sons
To compare, there is none
Through day and night we run
Into the horizon of life's setting sun.
Comments
This reads like...
Hip-Hop. I can appreciate the rhyme, as I am a essentially a rhymer myself. The rhythm is what throws me off. I think that the continuity and logic is consistent and makes a good work. If you want it to sound more like conventional poetry, I suggest that you work on the word syllable count. If in fact, it is Hip-Hop, good job!
~ Geezer.
Hi there!
Really admire your rhyming ability.
Alid
rebel poe
like hip hop...took straight the story of lesson
and fear and threw it out there to the mainstream
culture to absorb....his witty poems
and his depression and doubts he had
turned in the pen and become his cry
of battle and indignation
the truth to the ordinary person
in an exceptionally clear and jive sound
work for the time that all could accept
a non sacharinne maudlin which for
the era was the cause and claus
I loved milton...john....made myself
read his works until I got the pattern
read the dictionary..
the pattern to see what he was
writing
sexton plath
then music of late
lyrics....
the seas of emotion
and writers devotion
thank U
..
my maiden visit rainy day mommy
but being partially blind
i rarely read beyond a dozen lines
others say ur good
must be
Thank You
Thank you all for the kind comments. I'm truly glad you enjoyed this write and thank you all for the feedback. Sorry it's took me so long to reply. Thanks again!