VEILS
No man can know the depths
of another man's pain.
The loss of another, The loss of oneself.
Life brings to each of us our own special moments
unique , unshared, unseen to the rest
covered in ritual veils, a broken heart
and a soul tottering on despair,
Comments
Oh Joe, I don't know what to
Oh Joe, I don't know what to say, none of us know the journey of another do we...
covered in ritual veils a broken heart
and a soul tottering on despair,
these last two lines need something...maybe a comma in the second last line, the meaning without it is a little lost, it can be read a few different ways and I am not sure what way you meant, and that doesn't happen with your poetry for me, ever.
love your Jayne xxx
Yes, I saw that. Thanks to
Yes, I saw that. Thanks to you both.
joe
Joe
I couldn't agree more with Jayne's comment.
I believe you need to add a comma after veils in the penultimate line. What you have said is true about knowing / feeling other's pain, just like only the person wearing the shoes knows where the shoe bites.
Regards,