Rula
Rula
Dec 22, 2013

I'm sad

The dawn comes, another one goes
yet darkness grows.
No sun to rise
into my eyes.

Your absence dims the lofty sky;
its blue turns shy,
then muses fade
into the shade.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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More from this author

Comments

S

There are many types of plow including one specifically named a turning plow. But in my exprience "plow" doesn't bring turning immediately to mind. Also in line 2 either darkness grows or darknesses grow. Hmmm....maybe wilts would work instead of plows. But that's up to you to find the perfect word lol. The rest of your poem does well in conveying wistful longing...............stan

Rula

Rula

11 years 4 months ago

and many thanks for your invaluable notes.I'm grateful.

William Saint George

It's interesting. I feel exactly as you describe in this poem. The absence of a very close friend has inspired most of my recent poetry.

I hope you feel better soon..

"The world is always changing
that is what the hopeful say;
for both of us must surely know
the wind of life blows to and fro
so nothing stays the same."

L

Lonnie

11 years 4 months ago

Interesting message, refreshing word usage, and the poems own terseness all combine to make this a very tight little piece of poetry!

Ian.T

Ian.T

11 years 4 months ago

Very good piece but could become unhappy with the sadness, but I have made another sunrise, one that is in my heart that can only shine in glorious splendour for us all.
Even though we fade and die, if we have sun in our hearts,
all things will still be bright,
Yours Ian.T

Rula

Seems that sadness has become part of our life....unfortunately. we need to learn to cope up with all these circumistances.

Esker

Esker

11 years 4 months ago

"its blue turns shy"

like a conversation pained
the lost words metaphors
in a struggle of expression
reaching or not....

found cared for or lost

that line above makes this poem
stunning

like a word spell to awaken
those reading
those intended
and the writer

powerful and very vivid

thank you Rula!

(this is a soft line intense that I needed in my own journey today...the blue is powerful..
immense and overwhelming..sky feeling...emptiness..fullness...and the shy.....the key
to understanding.....a gentleness....a slowed peice to stop the trembling and unlock
the wonder past the fear.....)

Rula

I'm always sorry because I could never fully comprehend your comments, but you know what? I always feel happy to know that my writing impresses you in a way or another.
Thank you so much for dropping by.

E

A strong piece as always. However, I found a slight problem with logic in the first stanza. Another one goes, yet darkness grows?

No one else has mentioned it so it is most likely me not totally getting it.

Scott

Rula

I know dawn has always a positive meaning, but you know that time when the sun isn't fully rising which is explained the next line. Don't know if this makes any sense ?
Always great to hear from you.

Geremia

This struck me straight to the heart--I AM IN TOTAL AGREEMENT WITH WILLIAM. Brava! Bravissima, Rula, for sharing this little "jewel"

Joe

alidzain

This is a gem.Lovely, Rula. Keep up the good work. You have never failed to amaze me with your style......

Alid

alidzain

another good one. you know its good when I came back for another visit.

Alid

Rula

Rula

10 years 8 months ago

so kind of you to visit me twice on the same page.
It definitely means a lot.

Esker

Esker

9 years 6 months ago

"when muses fade
into this shade"

this shade....that shade...these shades...a shade..

"with muses fading
into its shading"

nuances...I just offer my way to read your poem
in my head......as it stands Its still a magnificent poem...

thank U!