BlueDemon77
BlueDemon77
Sep 23, 2013
This poem is part of the workshop:

The Bottom Line

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Trochaic pentameter-Ron for Bottom Line workshop

Silence deafens growls under the forest
Witness glowing screeches of red eyes
gunshot roars squeak out in banshee chorus
The sound of wolf howls crooning lullabies

Ron

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Columbus, Ohio, USA

Favorite Poets: Rimbaud

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

11 years 7 months ago

Hello Ron, I've parsed your lines here so that you can see where do some feet go off the trochee meter.Hope it makes sense to you. Please let me know what you think.

first line
SI-lence| dea-FENS| GROW-ls |UN-der| the fo-|rest  (half a foot so many)

Second line
 WIT-ness| GLOW-ing| SCREECH-es| of RED |EYES  ( half a foot needed)

Third line
 GUN-shot|ROARS SQUEAK| out in BAN|-shee CHORUS|

Fourth Line
 The SOUND| of WOLF |HOW-ls |CROON-ing| LU-lla-BIES (Started with iamb + half a foot too many)

BlueDemon77

I agree with most of what you've put and have re-written and submitted a new version. The only thing that baffles me is that I've always used GROWLS as a single syllable but in your parsing, it is given two syllables.

Thanks for the help!

Ron

Rula

It has two vowel sounds=two syllables and you can always double check a dictionary.
This's a dialct thing , I believe.

wesley snow

Punch the first syllable and you will hear it. I'm on my phone, so it's hard to say more right now. Really "punch" them.

BlueDemon77

I tried applying the "PUNCH" as you put it. I find that I often impose emphasis through doing this. It was like you said when I was parsing the Keats, Shelley, and Shakespeare. I used to be able to do this almost without thought but this is clearly an area I need to revisit.

Thanks,

Ron

BlueDemon77

SI-lence | SCRATCH-ing | SNOW-y | BRANCH-less | FOR-est
WIT-ness | GLOW-ing | SCREECH-ing | EYES are | GLOW-ing
GUN-shot | ROARS in | DIS-tant | BAN-shee | CHOR-us
SOUNDS as | LOUD as | REAP-ers | COM-ing | GO-ing

RON

wesley snow

Perfect Trochee throughout.

And even a halfway decent poem to boot (not like my silliness).
Go on to Dactyl and remember it doesn't have to be Pentameter. It is used predominately in conjunction with Trochee, but try to write a full quatrain in Dactyl Trimeter or Tetrameter.
It also doesn't have to rhyme (which would make it a "Tetrastich") (I know... too many big words).