When the shadows arrive a bit, early
the moon giving just, enough light
felines, and canines both playing together
and running off into the desert's cold night;
out the corner of your eye,
something moved, over there, just then;
must be twilight in the desert, once again!
Relax everyone, keep your heads clear
don't fixate on the fact, none prepare
no-one could possibly.....ever "ready-up"
be the first of your kind if you dare!
On a dank, darkly chilled, desert evening
maybe, we're conjuring-up some, new trend
but, it's twilight in the desert, again!
High desert's quite eery, and spaciousness invades
causing shadows to multiply 'til dawn
that alone is soo frighening; for they never let up!
In the desert, no-one owns a front lawn;
sometimes; twilight can & will, attempt to confuse
but it's you, who lets confusion happen;
twilight's playing in the sandbox, again!
Shadow hallucinations, play tricks with your head
if you're "new", well then, try not to stare
thing is, when you look down and see only the "ground"
though not seen your body's still, there!
Things like this happen in the desert, each night
so for the sake of us all, don't be frightened;
or twilight will reduce you to sand, in the end!
Comments
Watch out...
for all that puncuation! While I do feel that some is useful, there is such a thing as overkill. i wouldn't use it at the end of the sentences, unless it is a question mark or an exclamation point! The rest of it should be used sparingly. Just enough to carry the meaning. I liked the theme and was impressed with the darkness. ~ Gee
Will you be posting all of your story here
In parts for us to read or do we go to the workshop?
Not sure i use this site to its full advantage!
So would like to continue to follow your story
Hmmm.
If your last entry was perhaps my favorite of your stuff, this is about the least.
The punctuation aside (confusing), the "tale" here is not clear.
Maybe you could offer a small explanation of what it is intending and that would lead me in a more productive direction in my suggestions.