Coward!
You brandish your bloodless sword
in the congregation of the feeble
and you dance naked
in the gathering of the blind.
You chant your victory songs
in the assembly of the deaf
and tell of your virility
in the beds of a thousand crones
War!
Your tail is lost between your legs
and your baritone thaw into murmur
with eloquence in shadowy places.
Oh man!
When shall your testes descend?
Last Few Words: this poem reads aloud; more like a chant.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
I would have said testicles
as it is a medical subject. Good imagery
Is this a rant against war?
Is this a rant against war?
I thought it new, a new way of putting things
a kind of conjuring trick of tumbled thoughts
around a theme.
Otherwise it is a kind of maniac
out on the prowl, his penis brandished, and like
many blotters, unnoticed by the crowd.
Ann.
thanks for your comments but
thanks for your comments but i do not really get the picture of what you are saying. kindly expantiate and be more lucid. thanks