Rula
Rula
Nov 07, 2012
This poem is part of the workshop:

Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

(Read More...)

Mathematics

when my thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
too great to count.

when my ills look more,
and endlessly mount,

I take a few moments,
to count the blessings I have,

and find,
they are uncountable too.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

judyanne

especially the end - makes it memorable imo
just a few suggestions

when your thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
that you can't count. (too great to count)

when your ills look more,
and endlessly they mount, (drop ‘they)

take few moment, (take a few moments)
to count the blessings you have,

find out; (drop ‘out’)
they are uncountable too.

- just suggestions as you know
love judy
xxx

Rula

Rula

12 years 5 months ago

great suggestions . I believe they make a difference.

Geezer

Geezer

12 years 5 months ago

poem Rula! I think Judy is right on both counts. Beautiful work and the critique was right on!
You are making a name for yourself here. You fit your profile well. ~ Gee

Rula

Rula

12 years 5 months ago

words that I really appreciate . Thanks for reading and dropping such a great comment!

weirdelf

It becomes so easily preachy or (retch) inspirational. Poets don't tell people what to do, they show what can be.

Consider this presumptuous re-write-

when my thoughts
drown in debts
and doubts,
too great to count.

when your ills look more,
and endlessly mount,

I take a few moments,
to count the blessings I have,

and find,
they are uncountable too.