I am immortal in life.
I see all, live in tears
Thrive in fears.
I touch everything and everyone,
I am what you will become.
I follow your steps,
I wait in your home.
I am all.
I am nothing.
I will never die.
I am the shadow of your life.
I am forever.
Oct 10, 2012
The Irony of Death
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Nathaniel
(I) think that the I's have it, apart from that third line.
Now the theme is good but all those I's are just too much to take on this piece, I am sure it is positive but it becomes like a list as you read.
Theme wise I think you can sort it out, Yours Ian.T